The Emotional Memory Trap — and How It Shapes Our Fear of Public Speaking

Our memories aren’t as objective as we like to think. Before our brain records what happened, it records how we felt about what happened. Why does this happen?

The emotional centers of the brain—particularly the amygdala—activate before the logical regions have time to analyze the facts.

That means when something triggers a strong emotional reaction—embarrassment, fear, joy, pride—our brain prioritizes the feeling over the event itself. Later, when we recall that memory, we’re not replaying an accurate video of reality; we’re reconstructing a story colored by the emotions that were dominant at the time.

When Protection Becomes Distortion

This emotional filter has a purpose: it’s a protective mechanism. If you once stumbled over your words during a school presentation and felt humiliated, your brain doesn’t just remember what you said wrong—it remembers how awful it felt.

Over time, your brain may “help” you by exaggerating the memory to discourage you from facing similar situations again. It’s the mind’s way of saying, “Don’t get hurt again.”

The downside? You might avoid speaking in public, not because you’re incapable, but because your brain has built a distorted emotional narrative: public speaking = danger.

Why Public Speaking Feels So Scary

Public speaking taps directly into this emotional memory system. The spotlight triggers the same stress response our ancestors used to survive in the wild: heart racing, shallow breathing, sweaty palms. Your body thinks you’re in danger—even though you’re just facing an audience, not a predator.

The logical part of the brain knows that speaking is safe, but the emotional brain reacts milliseconds earlier, hijacking your body before reason has a chance to calm it down. That’s why even experienced speakers sometimes feel an inexplicable wave of fear before stepping on stage.

Using Emotional Memory to Your Advantage

Don’t worry yet, I have good news for you: the same system that protects you can also empower you. All you need to do is understand how it works and use it to your advantage. If the brain encodes emotion before fact, all you need is to be able to reshape your emotional associations with public speaking. Here’s how:

• Rewire the Emotion: Before a presentation, visualize a positive emotional outcome. Imagine the relief, pride, or satisfaction you’ll feel when you finish. Your brain will start linking speaking with pleasure, not panic.
• Start Small: Gradually expose yourself to speaking opportunities—small groups, team meetings, casual settings. Each positive experience lays down a new emotional memory that weakens the old fear-based one.
• Anchor Yourself in Emotionally Neutral Facts: When you feel anxiety creeping in, shift focus to concrete details: your outline, your first sentence, your audience’s faces. Facts ground you; emotions drift.
• Reframe the Physical Sensations: The rush of adrenaline you feel before speaking? That’s not fear—it’s energy. The same physiological reaction that prepares you to “fight or flight” also sharpens your focus and heightens your presence.
• Celebrate Every Win: After each talk—no matter how small—pause to feel proud. Emotionally mark the success. That positive reinforcement helps your brain rewrite its narrative: speaking feels good.

Emotions Come First, Facts Come Later

Understanding how your emotional memory works is like holding the user manual to your fear. Once you realize your brain isn’t your enemy—it’s simply trying to protect you—you can start working with it, not against it.

That’s the moment public speaking stops being a battlefield and becomes a conversation—a place where you can channel emotion, not be controlled by it. Believe me when I say – public speaking can be a feel-good moment.